Real Christian community is the kind of community where we love one another so unmistakably that the watching world can tell we are His disciples by the way we love each other (John 13:35). It is the most meaningful place a person can be. It is also not free, not easy, and not simple. It will cost you something.
Before we get to that cost, there is a question worth asking first. How do these practices of gathering and belonging actually transform our hearts? What does that even mean? There are several answers, and they are worth walking through one by one.
What Real Community Does to Your Heart
Your faith gets built up. Get around other people who are doing things for God, and something shifts in you. You start to look at yourself, then look at them, and you think, if that guy can do it, if she can do it, surely the Lord can use me. Their faith begins to inspire yours.
Billy Graham said that when one person steps out and acts with courage, it stiffens the spines of those around them. That is exactly what happens here. When you are in community with people, and you see courage and faith, your own faith is built.
You also experience the joy of carrying somebody else's burden, and the joy of God's presence where two or three are gathered together (Matthew 18:20). And you experience the peace of practicing confession, which is the one that took me the longest to learn.
What Happens When You Stop Hiding Your Sin
Years ago something happened that genuinely changed my life. I started getting to know another youth pastor. I think it is healthy for pastors to know other pastors because there is a shared experience between us, and if you find the right relationship, you can go deep with those people. The two of us clicked right away.
It was maybe our second or third time meeting when he started to share some of his struggles with me. He felt he could trust me; he did not feel he had many people at his own church he could talk to, and he was already in an accountability relationship he wanted to build with me as well. I was shocked.
I got into ministry at a very young age, well before much of my character had been formed, and I was in a very public ministry in front of many people. The expectation was that I had my act together. At 21, I did not have my act together. Some of you who have lived through that know that at 21 you can have some of your act together, but there are things you do not even know about yourself yet. So when I stepped into ministry that young, I became afraid of telling people I had flaws and afraid of sharing sin. I really believed that if there was sin in my life, it was between God and me; it was to be kept hidden, and nobody was ever to know about it. That is how I lived.
Now I was sitting across from this man while he laid out his struggles, and I almost stopped him to ask what he thought he was doing. When he finished, he told me he could not describe how much better it felt, and that it was a powerful thing to look me in the eye and say what he was struggling with. He thanked me. I said he was welcome, and I walked away thinking that what he had just done was crazy.
But I also knew he had experienced something in confession that I knew nothing about. So the next time we got together, I asked him if I could try it. Could I do the same thing he had done? Could I trust him with that? He said yes, of course I could.
That became a practice in my life. I keep another man close who I can confess sin to, someone who will ask me hard questions about my spiritual life, finances, marriage, and sexual life, the areas where men get tripped up the most. I have one of those relationships right now. We meet every other Friday, and it is genuinely helpful to me. I would encourage you to have one.
The Joy of Watching Someone Else Reach Their Purpose
Community also gives you the fulfillment of helping others achieve their purpose. Several times, I have been in small groups with unemployed men, and that was tough. These guys had lost their jobs or were still searching. If you have ever walked through a season of unemployment, you know it is not easy. It is a very difficult season.
So we rallied around them, helped them prayerfully discern what they were supposed to be doing, and then we rooted for them. When they got jobs, it was like Christmas morning in that small group. We were that excited because we were experiencing the joy of seeing them fulfill their purpose.
Being Known and Accepted Is Like Encountering Jesus
Finally, there is the grace and mercy of being known and accepted. Being in a space where people know what you are like, accept you, and love you shapes and forms your heart. It is really like encountering Jesus.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote about the power of confession in exactly this way. He had set up a community of pastors that was essentially hidden in Germany, and they kept daily offices, practices that all the pastors would observe together. One of those practices, as I understand it, was a weekly time of confession. One pastor would take on the role of receiving the confessions, and then everyone else would have their chance.
Bonhoeffer writes that in that practice you experience the cross. You experience the cross and the love of Jesus in a way you cannot any other way, because in that moment the one confessing would say what he had done, and the one listening would look at him and say, "In the name of Jesus, your sins are forgiven." As Bonhoeffer describes it, God's presence would enter that room, and both men would experience a sense of God's grace.
Real Christian Community Cannot Happen Alone
That cannot happen in isolation; it cannot happen in an artificial community, and it does not happen in a pseudo-community. It happens when you pay the price of becoming part of true community.
The price is the version of yourself you have been presenting to everyone. It is the secrets. What you receive in exchange is a faith built up by other people's courage, burdens that are no longer yours to carry alone, the presence of God where two or three gather, the joy of watching someone else step into their purpose, and the experience of being fully known and accepted anyway. Real Christian community is the most meaningful place you can be, and it is worth what it costs.







